A man once shot himself in the head because he was a captured terrorist.
A woman once shot herself in the head because her husband had been killed in captivity.
A blonde once shot herself in the head because she wanted to know what the bullet looked like.

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Blood flows.
Heads roll.
Arms get chopped off.
No matter.
Vengance is still mine.

Senior member of Shikshiena Jrs.

Whats the difference betweeen a baby and a trampoline? You cant jump on a trampoline with cleats.

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Loyal member of CiDG.
Leader of the Knights Squad.

ur mean.......u need JESUS along w/ RoS

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The touch of death(hurts)
Reach out and touch someone
AGAIN
Phoenix private
CiDG clan member
YOU NEED JESUS

This is called the Measuring Monkey

A bartender is working in a bar, and a guy walks in with a monkey. . . so the guy says hey look monkey and the Monkey goes beserk, it starts smashing things eatting shit and and it grabs the eightball on the pool table and swallows it. . . . so the bartender is like . . wtf your monkey just trashed the place. . .and the guy says. . . sry if you point at him he freaks out. . . . . .so the bartender says come back tomarrow i need to clean up. . . . so the guy comes back and the bartender wispers. . . hey look the monkey. . . and the monkey starts going berskerk again, but then it stops at the raisins, and it picks one up. . . sniffs it, and rams it up its ass. . . . and the bartender is like wtf. . . .and the guy says. . .well after he ate that eightball he learned to measure first. . . . . . .

sure........

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Round and round I go, when I stop? Only i know!

Shikshiena Jrs

lol TF U"LL LIKE THIS ONE!!!!

There are four ppl on a plane, a britt, a frenchman, a mexican and a Texan. . . . the flight attendant walks up and says im sorry but one of you will have to jump the plane is to heavy. . . and the britt runs to the door and says long live the queen, and jumps out and dies. . . . . the flight attendant comes back and says im sorry but the captain says again the plane is to heavy, so the frenchman runs to the door and says Viva la France and dies. . . .so the flight attendant comes back and she says im sorry but one more of you will have to jump we are still to heavy. . . . .and the Texan Runs to the door but on the way grabs the mexican and yells REMEMBER THE ALAMO and throws the mexican out. . . . .

what do alcoholics and necros have in comon?

they both like to crack open a cold one

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

your moma is so fat she uses the big ben as a watch

u so fat u got four shadow on one wall

what do you get when you cross a elephant with a hairy pig.......your mum

yo mamas so fat she sat on a jukebox and turned it in2 a cd.

Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that he would give him 10 bucks if he could put it back in.

Tommy left for a bit and said "Ok Grandpa, watch this". Tommy then pushed the worm right back down in the hole.

The Grandpa got out the 10 dollars and gave it to Tommy.

Tommy said "Grandpa I can't keep this because I cheated. I sprayed the worm with hair spray. That's why I was able to do that."

Grandpa said "No, you keep it."