Berichten: 4189
Berichten: 112
Geslacht: Man
|
Right before I begin, this is just on my own opinion, dont take this 100% to be correct! 
If im right, this is how it runs semantically... (i think thats the word)
___________________________
This is the way we dance.. (A)
With a twist and a twirl; (B )
We glide over the floor (C)
With the other's all watching (D)
Gazing at what they saw. (C)
It seems every move that we make, (E)
Makes us feel that, (F)
We are angels in space. (E)
So people say, (G)
That this is what it's like (H)
To dance with an angel in space. (E)
__________________________________
Right, lets see if we can get this into a poetic field.
Should either go A,B,A,B......A,B,B,A, or A,B,C,B , if you intend it to rthyme.
So, lets have a look....
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Poem:
This is the way we dance.. (A) <--this is fine, always good to start with a single statement.
With a twist and a twirl; (B )
We glide over the floor (C)
With the other's all watching (D)
Gazing at what they saw. (C)
Right, this part might be better with a B,C,B,C type of layout, but this is pretty well okay, as there is still a pairing ( 2 C's) 
Next part:
It seems every move that we make, (E)
Makes us feel that, (F)
We are angels in space. (E)
Right, cut for a second. The previous part was poetically written, this aint in layout, so you need another sentence in there, or two, either before the first (E) or after the last (E)
Example:
Time seems to slow down, (F)
To every move that we make, (E)
The feel of those moments; (G)
Gliding like angels in space. (E)
(thats just one example, im sure you can come up with another)
_______________________________________________________________
Next verse!
So people say
that this is what it's like
to dance with an angel in space.
Now last verses dont often have to deal with the poetic stuff, as long as it has some meaning, but usually middle verses are two fold, 4 sentence and another 4, and the ending is a few sentences longer. Now the middle is your choice, you can have only one middle or two.
In short:
1) Beginning
2) First Middle
3) Second Middle
4) End.
Now if we consider this part the end, we just need to finalise it with something personal.
So this is what people say,
To dream into those eyes.
That this is what it's like,
And can never say goodbye.
Looking at you, face to face.
And dancing, with my angel in space.
___________________________________
So, in total! (so far)
Old Version
This is the way we dance,
With a twist and a twirl
We glide over the floor
With the other's all watching
Gazing at what they saw.
It seems every move that we make,
Makes us feel that,
We are angels in space
So people say
That this is what it's like
To dance with an angel in space.
New Version (so far):
This is the way we dance..
Start:
With a twist and a twirl;
We glide over the floor,
With the other's all watching,
Gazing at what they saw.
First Middle:
Time seems to slow down,
To every move that we make,
The feel of those moments;
Gliding like angels in space.
End:
So this is what people say,
To dream into those eyes.
That this is what it's like,
And can never say goodbye.
Looking at you, face to face.
And dancing, with my angel in space.
__________________________
-Deemers-
Carpet salesmen your majesty, legions of them! Our troops were overrun by their absurdly loud sales pitches!
Cry Havok, Ruin, Destruction and Decay. Death is the worst of them, and Death will have his day.
Not back yet!
|
